Posted by
Neo-Winston Smith on Friday, October 02, 2009 4:56:03 PM
TOP 10 REASONS TO NEVER WATCH DAVID LETTERMAN:
10. DAVE HAS THE HOTS FOR SARAH PALIN’S UNDERAGE DAUGHTER.
9. DAVE HAS THE HOTS FOR ALL THE OBAMAS.
8. DAVE HAS THE HOTS FOR ANYTHING IN A SKIRT ON HIS STAFF, INCLUDING THE SCOTTISH MAN IN A KILT.
7. DAVE IS RECYCLING ALL THE REPUBLICAN JOKES HE HAS EVER SAID, BACK TO EISENHOWER, TO AVOID HAVING TO TELL ANY JOKES ABOUT DEMOCRATS.
6. DAVE NEVER MISSES AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHEAP SHOT ANY CONSERVATIVE, EVEN IF HE HAS THE HOTS FOR THEM.
5. WHEN DAVE IS AT HIS DESK ON THE SHOW, HE IS NUDE BELOW THE WAISTE FOR ALL FEMALE GUESTS, AND SOMETIMES FOR THE MEN.
4. DAVE’S IDOLS ARE HUGH HEFNER, WILT CHAMBERLAIN, JOHN EDWARDS, AND THE LOCAL PROCURER WHO GETS HIM HOOKERS.
3. DAVE KEEPS A SEXUAL HARASSMENT ATTORNEY IN HIS GUEST COTTAGE LIKE A CONCIERGE DOCTOR.
2. DAVE TAKES VIAGRA BEFORE EVEY SHOW, JUST IN CASE HE GETS LUCKY.
1. DAVE HAS THE HOTS FOR HIMSELF.